Service Is a Two-Way Street - And Leaders Are in the Driver's Seat

We often talk about customer service as something that happens to us, as if we are passive recipients of someone else’s behavior. We focus on whether the rep was polite, if they solved the issue quickly, or if the experience was seamless. And while these are all valid expectations, we often forget one essential truth:

Customer service is a shared experience. As customers, we play a critical role in shaping it.

Just like in leadership, our tone, behavior, and energy have a ripple effect. When we show up with empathy, patience, and clarity, even in frustrating situations, we model the behavior we hope to receive. And just like team members look to leaders to set the tone, customer service agents often mirror the cues they’re given.

Traveling with a New Lens

Lately, I’ve been on the road, a lot. Airports, rental cars, hotel check-ins, gate changes, flight delays… you name it. I’ve started observing service moments with a new lens. Not just as a passenger, but as a leadership coach studying live-action case studies in human interaction.

Here’s the pattern I noticed: The customer’s energy sets the tone every single time.

On one flight, a woman ahead of me at the gate approached the agent flustered and snappy about a seat assignment. The agent’s posture stiffened. She responded professionally, but distantly. Less than five minutes later, another man approached with the same issue. But this time, he greeted her with a smile and said, “I know you’re juggling a lot but any chance you can help me out?” She lit up. Problem solved, smiles exchanged, and off he went.

Same issue. Two very different outcomes. Why?

Because the customer set the stage.

These moments are everywhere when you travel. Next time you fly, take inventory:

• How do people treat TSA agents?

• How do they respond when flight attendants say “no”?

• What happens when someone gives grace to a hotel clerk dealing with a system outage?

As Berkeley Executive Coaching Institute has instilled in me - be a human with a human. That’s where true leadership begins.

Leadership Isn’t Just at the Office... It’s in the Grocery Line (and the Boarding Zone)

Great leaders don’t clock out. The behaviors that make someone an effective leader: emotional regulation, clear communication, and respect, are the same traits that make someone a great customer. And here’s the kicker: when leaders consistently model respectful service interactions, others notice.

That barista watching you thank her by name, the airline agent who just handled a tough delay with grace and saw you respond with empathy: you just made their day. And, more importantly, you just reinforced what good service can look like.

Actions Leaders Can Take to Model Service Excellence

1. Treat Every Service Encounter Like a Leadership Opportunity

If you expect your team to stay composed and respectful under pressure, do the same with a service rep who gets your order wrong or can’t solve your issue right away.

2. Use Names and Appreciation Often

“Thanks, Marcus, I really appreciate your help today,” goes farther than you think. Recognition is a universal fuel. Use it generously.

3. Practice Patience Publicly

Especially when others are watching. Patience isn’t passive; it’s a powerful leadership behavior that signals composure and empathy.

4. Narrate and Normalize Graceful Conflict Resolution

If something needs to be escalated, say, “I know this isn’t your fault, but I’d appreciate your help finding someone who can support this.” You’re teaching respect without surrendering the need for resolution.

5. Debrief Service Moments with Your Team

Use real-world service experiences as teaching moments in team huddles or leadership meetings. Ask: “What could we take from this experience and apply to how we serve our clients or internal partners?”

The Leadership Lesson in Every Transaction

Being a good customer doesn’t mean accepting poor service. But it does mean choosing to show up in a way that invites better outcomes for both sides.

We can all think of moments when a service interaction left us feeling dismissed or disrespected. And yes, that’s frustrating. But instead of responding with equal heat, what if we responded with elevated leadership?

That’s how service culture shifts. That’s how teams learn. That’s how we lead everywhere.

Leadership doesn’t stop at the boardroom door. It walks with us into lobbies, coffee shops, support chats, and airport lines. The more we model the service we hope to receive, the more we empower others to meet us there.

Let’s all be the kind of customer that reminds people why service matters.