It's Not What You Say... It's What They Hear

"Operator... say again?"

We’ve all had that moment: you think you’ve clearly communicated your message, only to discover later that what people heard wasn’t what you meant. The disconnect? It’s the gap between intention and interpretation, and it’s one of the most overlooked challenges in leadership communication.

Words Matter, But Meaning Matters More

As leaders, we often focus on crafting the right message: what we want to say. But effective communication isn’t just about the words we choose. It’s about what those words mean to the people hearing them.

The truth is that every message runs through a filter. That filter is shaped by people’s roles, past experiences, workplace culture, emotional state, and even what kind of day they’re having. If we don’t take that into account, even well-intentioned messages can land with confusion, fear, or unintended consequences.

Several years ago, I stood in front of a high-performing team during a quarterly update and delivered what I thought was a balanced message.

I said something like:

“Our operating margin fell just short of our goal this quarter. It’s still in the positive, but we’re asking teams to come forward with strategies to make a meaningful impact moving into the next quarter.”

I wrapped up the meeting feeling confident that I’d struck the right tone, acknowledging the shortfall without panic, and inviting innovation rather than imposing pressure.

But the next day, I started hearing whispers. Then questions. Then full-on anxiety.

Some departments were preparing for budget freezes. Others began halting projects midstream. A few leaders had interpreted the message as a warning shot: Cuts were coming.

I was stunned. That wasn’t the message at all. And that’s when it hit me. A truth I now bring into every coaching session and leadership development workshop:

Communication doesn’t end when the message is delivered. It only ends when it’s truly understood.

We Don’t All Hear the Same Thing

When it comes to leadership communication, the words you say are only one part of the equation. What people hear, feel, and assume based on those words, that’s where the real impact lies.

In that quarterly meeting, financial minds heard: “Let’s sharpen strategy.”

Operations teams heard: “Start cutting costs.”

And frontline staff? They just heard: “We failed.”

Same message. Three very different reactions.

Try Saying This Instead

If you want to steer the narrative toward growth and calm rather than fear and urgency, here’s how you might reframe that same message:

“This quarter’s margin came in just below our target. Not because we’re off-track, but because the goals were ambitious. And that’s okay. We’re still in a strong position. I’d like to focus on creative ways we can strengthen both our revenue and operations. This isn’t about cost-cutting. Let’s focus on impact and opportunity. Let’s tap into your ideas and momentum to move forward with confidence.”

This version:

• Acknowledges the shortfall without making it sound like failure.

• Emphasizes stability and opportunity.

• Clarifies that the ask is for ideas, not reductions.

Intentional language like this sets the tone and eliminates the guessing game.

The One-on-One Minefield

This dynamic isn’t limited to all-hands announcements. It shows up just as often and sometimes more dramatically in one-on-one conversations.

Take this scenario:

A manager pulls aside a team member and says:

“You’ve been quieter in meetings lately. I just want to check in and make sure everything’s okay.”

Seems thoughtful, right? Supportive, even. But let’s look at two possible internal responses:

• Response A (supportive interpretation):

“Wow, they’re paying attention. That makes me feel seen.”

• Response B (threatened interpretation):

“Are they saying I’m not contributing enough? Am I in trouble?”

Same words. Two totally different takeaways. That difference can shape the tone of the relationship moving forward.

Try Saying This Instead

To remove ambiguity and build psychological safety, you can rephrase that same check-in with more context and care:

“Hey, I noticed you’ve been a little quieter in recent meetings, and that’s totally okay. I know there’s a lot going on. I just wanted to check in and see how you’re doing. No pressure to explain, but I value your voice and want to make sure you feel supported.”

Or, if you’re genuinely seeking more participation:

“You bring valuable insights to the table, and I’ve missed hearing your thoughts lately in our group meetings. Is there anything I can do to help make space or support you in speaking up more if you’re feeling hesitant?”

This version:

• Removes the perception of criticism.

• Clarifies that this is a support conversation, not a correction.

• Builds trust by reinforcing the employee’s value.

Communication Isn’t About You.  It’s About the Other Person

Most communication breakdowns come from what I call “assumed clarity.”

We assume:

• Everyone has the same context we do.

• Words like “efficient,” “strategic,” or “growth” mean the same thing to everyone.

• Our tone matches our intent.

But in reality:

• “We need to talk” can sound like a crisis. Especially if you are navigating in-person versus virtual spaces.

• “Let’s level up your performance” might be received as, “You’re not doing enough.”

• Even “How are you doing?” can feel performative if not delivered sincerely.

This is where communication shifts from being a basic skill to a leadership superpower.

A Real-World Reminder: The Duolingo “AI-First” Memo

This principle, what people hear versus what you intend, was on full display earlier this year at Duolingo. The company shared an internal memo with employees announcing a shift toward becoming an “AI-first” organization. It outlined a new emphasis on integrating generative AI tools, phasing out certain contractor roles, and encouraging teams to embrace AI in their workflows, even tying adoption to performance evaluations.

The memo intended to signal innovation, efficiency, and a future-forward mindset.

But what many employees and the public heard was something else entirely.

“AI is replacing humans. Jobs are at risk.”

The response was swift. Speculation about layoffs circulated, morale dipped, and some users voiced concerns about the quality of future content. Of course, the media blitz took it to another level, and Duolingo’s leadership had to go into damage control mode. They clarified that no full-time staff layoffs were planned and that the changes were limited to contracted staff, but the damage had already been done.

It’s a clear example of how even well-meaning, transparent, strategic communication can land as threatening or destabilizing when it doesn’t fully consider the emotional and contextual filter of the audience.

What Leaders Can Do Differently

If you want your message to land the way you intend, here are a few mindsets shifts and tactical moves that can help:

1. Preview Your Message with Someone You Trust

Run it by a peer or advisor in a different role. Ask: “How does this come across to you?” They will catch things you missed.

2. Define the Why Before the What

People respond better when they understand the reason behind a message. Lead with intention before instruction. As Simon Sinek says, “Start with Why.”

3. Say What It Is and What It’s Not

This is a game-changer. For example:

“This isn’t about questioning your value. This is about helping you grow in areas that will open doors.”

4. Close the Loop

After a meeting or difficult conversation, follow up. Ask what landed clearly and what didn’t. True communication is a two-way street.

The Takeaway

At the end of the day, we don’t get to decide how our message is received, our audience does. And that’s not a flaw in communication, it's a reality.

So, let’s lead like it matters.

The next time you find yourself frustrated that your message didn’t stick, pause before assuming people “just weren’t listening.”

Ask instead:

What did they hear? And how can I make it clearer next time?

Let’s say what we mean, and check that it was heard that way.

Let’s create conversations, not confusion.

Because great leaders don’t just talk. They listen. They connect. They clarify. They check for understanding.

And when leaders speak with intention and listen with curiosity, communication becomes connection. And connection becomes impact.